Shortly after Jacob passed, I was standing over his tombstone thinking to myself “I cannot believe that my son is in this ground”. That is a hard thing to reconcile after you were just feeding him his bottle and changing his diaper. We were just playing airplane for crying out loud! How can he now be in the ground, no life, no breath? I was staring at his grave and in God’s quiet gentle way he spoke to me and said “Stephanie, I so loved you that I gave my ONE and ONLY son so that you may have life”. WHAT?????? Who in their right mind would choose to give up their son? I would let ALL OF YOU get hit by a bus before I would choose to give up my son. I’m sorry for the candidness but it’s the truth, right? Would you?
It was in this moment that I felt the DEPTH of God’s love for me. He chose to give up Jesus in order to save me. Making a conscious decision to let your child die isn’t anything that we can fully comprehend and it’s not something that we are capable of choosing ourselves. I am so grateful. I knew He loved me but I can’t say that I fully grasped how much until I realized what exactly He gave up for me. Think about that for a minute. Let it soak in. Most non-believers have issue with this. They say how can a loving God let His son die when He has the power to stop it. I get this trust me!!! More than most others on this planet. I would not make the same choice! Hence why I am not God!
So we ask “HOW could He choose this”? This is the comforting part: He chose this because He KNEW that it was TEMPORARY and He knew that He would be with him again. As hard as it is to live on this earth without Jacob, I can be assured that I will be with him again. We will play airplane again!!! God’s choice gives me power each day to LIVE knowing that it won’t be long and there will be a reunion. Think about how fast Christmas comes and goes! We just celebrated yesterday. Here today and gone tomorrow.
My plea to you or my encouragement to you is this: CHOOSE TO LIVE until your reunion. Ask God each day what HIS desires are for you and what your mission is for the day. Just waking up and getting through another day IS NOT IT!!!! Live intentionally. Love intentionally. Serve others intentionally. Make a difference. THIS is temporary. There has to be a reason for it all right? SEEK OUT WHAT YOUR PURPOSE IS. I promise you that it’s not to get up, get kids to school, go to work, come home, cook dinner, clean dishes, get baths, go to bed and do all over again tomorrow!!!
None of us will be forced to choose to give our child up for someone else. What we do have to choose is to accept the GIFT. Everything is a choice. God modeled this for us when He had to choose to let Jesus die for us. Some say it’s cruel. I say it’s beautiful. When you know the pain personally like I do, you realize the great sacrifice that was given on your behalf. It’s not something that is to be taken lightly. I pray you choose LIFE, through Jesus.